"I don’t really like people, but it’s difficult to get comfortable with loneliness. I mean, I’ve tried to have friends, but it never works out. And I’m tired of going out alone. I’m ok staying in at my place. It smells good when I burn incense and I have a lot of records and I can just play video games.”
The bus she was waiting for arrived. “Do you need to go?”
"It’s ok. Another one will come in ten minutes… But then, you know, sometimes I just want a partner— a relationship. It would be nice to share this part of my life with someone. I’ve been single for years, and you know, there are people I could call if I wanted to. But people always end up saying things that rub me the wrong way, or if I open up to them, suddenly they want me to be their best friend, and I don’t want people to have expectations of me. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time if I’m not interested in being close to them."
Another bus came and went while she told me about the loneliness, wiping tears from her eyes. Then another. “I’m sorry, I’ve talked too long.”
"It’s really ok. Sometimes we just need to connect."
"Yeah, I forget that sometimes."
I feels her.
I apologise for not being on here much anymore.. we still don’t have the internet but hopefully next pay cheque we will :)
Will update when I can be fucked typing..
"gay ppl cant have kids"
- trans people exist (aka there are gay couples who can reproduce via intercourse)
- sperm donors
- further advances in stem cell research are making it possible to turn bone marrow into a sperm substitute, among other things
- dont talk to me dont talk to yourself dont talk ever again
I’ve never felt so numb, emotionless and destroyed in my life. I feel I should be greatful for so many things yet I all these thoughts in my head of suicide are becoming more and more prominent. I binge daily on ridiculous food. I left work today to binge alone in the woods. I was close to jumping so I called mum. What a mothers day gift to give her. I’m such a shit of a child. I despise myself. Every part of it. Every little detail, inside and out.